Bathroom Humor

For the first 10 years of my relationship (yes, you read that right, 10) with the boy we pretended like we didn't fart or poop. We never shared bathroom humor jokes or anything of the such. When we moved in together all of that changed. Literally, overnight the boy forgot about every manner his mama ever taught him. Although, oddly enough he still shuts the bathroom door when he pees. I don't even remember the popping of the bathroom humor cherry. But I do know one day it was there and the next day it wasn't.

We now discuss bathroom habits, routines, lack of routines, and all kinds of disgusting crap I wish I didn't know or share mainly because that boundary has been crossed and frankly, there is no going back. So it makes this story that much better.

Last Fall the boy found himself in a terrible predicament. He got into a car accident, one that he was not responsible for and ended up getting cited for Driving on a Suspended Driver's License due to the MVA's failure to include an apartment number on his registration. Thankfully, I used to work at a law firm and my old boss agreed to represent him in Court for a small fee.

While waiting for the boy's case to be called we had the misfortune of listening to a REALLY old attorney read names of people requesting expungements. In the middle of litigating, the dude let out the loudest, longest far I've ever heard. The other attorney's in the room were trying to cover their full-on laughs, not giggles or snickers but straight up laughter. The Judge couldn't even pretend he didn't hear it.

So tonight when this old dude standing in front of me made more room in his stomach than 5 seconds earlier, I just looked at the boy and shook my head. I hope when we're 105 and still going out to dinner with one another we don't give a damn who hears us fart either.